


Fallen

by KawaiiNinja



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Depression, Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:40:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22604869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KawaiiNinja/pseuds/KawaiiNinja
Summary: "You're leaving us just like that?" Mikey's eyes were wide with horror, glimmering with tears, pleading. Donnie was silent."Fine!" Raph growled, shoving against Leonardo's plastron. "Leave for all I care! We don't need you!"Leonardo frowned, sighing deeply. "I'm sorry... it's for the best..."After a terrible incident that leaves Leonardo ashamed and full of guilt, feeling unworthy with being deemed Sensei as Master Splinter had bestowed upon him after his death. Leo makes a rash decision to leave, thinking it would be best to recollect himself. He knew that his brothers wouldn't need him.Yet, after two years. A familiar face convinces Leonardo to return back to his brothers, only to find out that things aren't what they used to be. His brothers aren't the same anymore.
Kudos: 28





	1. Mission Gone Awry

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I hope you enjoy this new story. I got inspired from re-watching Tmnt 2007 where Leonardo leaves his family. And I thought I would incorporate a little bit of that into 2012 version, though I will make it different. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"Remind me why we're out here again?" Raph huffed, folding his arms across his plastron.

"We're keeping an eye out for Tigerclaw and whatever scheme he's cooking up," Leo replied, bending down on one knee, using a pair of binoculars to scan the city.

"Riiiight and we've been out here for how long was it?" Raph turned to Donnie.

"Two hours," Donnie replied.

"Freaking two hours, Leo!" Raph screeched, right next to the leader's right ear.

"Raph!" Leonardo flinched, nearly toppling over the edge as he barely managed to not drop his binoculars. "Have patience will you?" Mikey was dangling upside down on the edge of a ladder along a billboard sign, swinging his arms about in boredom. "We need to be able to figure out what Tigerclaw has been up to."

"Which, we haven't seen that tiger mutant for an entire week," Donnie pointed. "Pretty unusual." The genius paused momentarily before pointing down below. "Look! It's Bebop and Rocksteady's van!"

"We follow after it!" Leo ordered, as all three turtles leapt from their positions, jumping over rooftops in pursuit after the van. They came towards Chinatown as the van parked in front of a warehouse factory. Tigerclaw came out with Bebop and Rocksteady following, entering inside the massive building.

"A chemical factory huh? This is not good," Donnie shook his head. "Who knows what kind of acids and metals that they're planning to use and for what?"

"Okay, here's the plan. We sneak in, find out what Tigerclaw is up and stop him. It's full ninja-mode," Leo's eyes narrowed.

Mikey popped his head between Leo and Donnie, startling the three of them. "Be stealthy my ninjas." The leader glared at Mikey for a moment for stealing his line. "Hehe, heh, eh, I mean of course you meant to say that," Mikey gulped nervously.

"Let's go ninjas!" The four of them leapt down to sneak in through the nearest window of the chemical factory. Leo held up a finger to his mouth to motion for his brothers to be silent as they climbed in. The hallway was clear, but they had to be sly and furtive. Who knows what Tigerclaw was up to.

A silhouette caught the corner of Leonardo's peripheral vision as he frozen, turning his head. The figure looked familiar, even he could tell through the darkness of the hallway. She turned to gaze at him, those green eyes flashing before disappearing down the other end of the hall. His brothers hadn't seen, so they were walking towards the other end in full stealth mode. Leo bit his lip, what was Karai doing here? Leo could see his brothers already disappearing through the door that Donnie had managed to hack the code. He really wanted to go after them, he knew that he should but knowing that Karai was here. It puzzled Leo, and the fact that she was alone. Deciding to make a rash decision, Leo chose to follow after the direction that Karai went instead of his brothers.

"Woooah," Mikey drawled, as he, Donnie, and Raph had crept into the next room, and managed to gaze down below them. It appeared that they were somewhere near the top, overlooking the entire factory. Treadmills moved, buckets of unknown chemicals with the flurry of bodies. "Are those robots?" Mikey leaned over closer to get a better look.

"So Tigerclaw has been building his own army?" Raph muttered. "Now I see why we need to take this down!"

"Easy," Donnie held out his hand. "We don't know what these unknown chemicals are, or rather what Tigerclaw is planning to do with it. We don't want to tamper with unknown substances."

"What do we do, Fearless leader?" Mikey questioned, tilting his head back awaiting Leo's reply. When there was no response, he turned his head as did Donnie and Raph.

"What the shell? Where'd he go?" Raph growled. "Did he just ditch us?"

"I don't recall anyone else following us,"   
Donnie tapped his chin pensively.

"Doesn't matter," Raph shook his head.

"Uh, dudes?" Mikey nudged Raph, pointing to his left. "I think I found Leo." The three of them leaned over the balance beam to see the latter. Sure enough, there Leo was, crouched into a stealthy position alongside Karai. He followed her along the shadows, avoiding being caught by Tigerclaw and any of the robots and disappearing into another room.

"Of course, that idiot had to ditch us for Karai? Should've figured," Raph growled once again, clenching a hand tightly around the balance beam. "I sat we get out of here."

"We have to follow Leo's orders," Donnie said. "He did say to specifically sneak in full ninja mode and take down Tigerclaw's scheme."

"Like shell we're listening to Leo's orders when he just suddenly ditches us?" Raph snapped, glaring at the Brainiac turtle.

"Perhaps he's trying to create some kind of diversion, Raph. We should still obey what he said."

"Fine. We take them down, now!" The hothead leapt off the balance beam, Donnie and Mikey following suit. They landed with a thud as Tigerclaw turned, as Mikey used his kusarigama chain to knock the file in his grip.  
"Whatever you're up to, we will end this!" Donnie brought out his bo staff, spinning it. Raph twirled his sais as Mikey threw the file towards him.

"You foolish turtles, get them!" Tigerclaw pointed. All robots reacted, turning and attacking the three turtles.

* * *

"So Tigerclaw has been creating his own army?" Leo questioned, having followed Karai into a secretive room that appeared to be some kind of headquarters.

"Yes, and he's planning to use lead and mercury, radioactive metals to poison the city."

"He's what?" Leo gasped, eyes wide as he proceeded to help Karai in deactivating all remote system controls of the factory.

"Well well well, what do we have here comrade?"

Leo's head swiveled around you find Bebop and Rocksteady in the doorway. "Are you planning on shutting down this factory. I don't think so," Bebop held out his hand, before firing a laser Mohawk. Leo and Karai both reacted, the girl charging after Bebop. "Ye ha ha! Take that baby! You think you can beat me?" He turned invisible as Karai gasped.

"Karai!" Leo was trying to fend of Rocksteady as he watched the girl get socked into the face and collide against the wall. He growled, punching the rhino mutant, causing him to stumble back. The leader lunged to protect Karai, only to see how the rhino charged headfirst at him. Leo managed to duck and shield Karai, knocking them out from harms way as the rhino's horn had embedded itself into the control system of the computer screen. Lights flashed, alarms blazing as red light signified a warning.

" **Warning! Defense protocol has been obliterated. This system shall now self destruct,"** a voice boomed loudly.

"What have you done?!" Bebop screeched, as Rocksteady removed his horn from the wall. The two of them screamed rushing out from the room. "Get out of here!"

"We must retreat!" Karai barked, rushing out from the room as Leo followed her. The two of them had sprinted down the hallway as they managed to escape out an exit. The entire building was erupting in flames and Leo sighed a sigh of relief.

However, then dread socked him in his gut once he realized something. "My brothers!" His eyes were wide with horror. They remembered telling them to take down Tigerclaw and it seemed that they weren't even outside the building yet. "NO!" Leo screamed rushing towards the burning building that was now being consumed.

"Leo, no!" Karai grasped onto his arm, tugging him back just when the entire world had exploded before the leader's eyes. The building exploded in mere seconds, debris flying everywhere. Leonardo was knocked back along with Karai as smoke filled the air.

Coughing, as Leo groaned from the force of impact. He lifted himself to stare in trepidation, and appalled. The building had collapsed into total ruins, debris scattered about. Smoke rose into the air, fire dotted where the building once remained. Giant piles of plywood were splintered, it was a complete disaster. "NO!" Leo could feel tears bunting into his eyes.

He didn't care if Karai was screaming for him to stay back. He rushed into the fallen chaos, trying to find any sight of his brothers. They couldn't be dead! No they couldn't! He had failed them! He had left them to their death! He sunk to his knees, his body quivering. What had he done??


	2. Failure

“No, no, no, no…!” This couldn’t be happening. Leo was shoving aside planks of wood. He wouldn’t let this happen! His brothers couldn’t be dead! A pained grunt diverted Leo’s attention to his right. The pile of concrete moved, falling aside as Raph’s battered body could be seen. The turtle stood, despite how bruised his body was. His body was more purple than green. 

“Raph!” Leo gripped tightly onto his brother’s shoulder. He could see the grimace of pain written all over the crimson masked turtle's face. 

“I’m fine!” Raph snapped bitterly, shoving Leo’s hand off his shoulder. “You can get off me.” 

“Where’s Donnie and Mikey?” Leo questioned, not wanting to find out if anything worse happened. 

“Right here…” a frail voice replied. Leo crouched down finding a balance beam that was still somehow standing. Sure enough underneath was Donnie, his bo staff still holding up the beam from crushing his body. Leo tugged him out just as the staff snapped in half, the beam colliding against the fragments of stone and brick. Donnie’s head was bleeding, and his arm was bent in a weird angle, obviously broken

“And Mikey?”

“He was behind me,” Donnie coughed, his voice raw. “He was crushed by the impact of the ceiling.”

“N-No…” Leo shook his head. That couldn’t be it. He kicked aside enormous broken bricks from the wreckage surrounding him. 

“Leo… it’s no use… there is no way Mikey could’ve-” Something green spotted Leo’s attention, a green three-fingered hand that poked out from underneath a pile of rubble. Leo wasted no time in brushing all the debris aside to reveal Mikey’s bloody form. 

“I found him!” Leo gasped in horror at the ghastly sight of his brother before him. Mikey was a horrendous mess, body covered with purple and black bruises, along with blood. His head was bleeding, not to mention everywhere else for that matter. Leaning down, Leo pressed a hand to Mikey’s plastron only to be received with silence. “NO!” He slammed his fists down onto Mikey’s chest repeatedly until his body jerked. Mikey’s eyes flew open as he let out a shrill scream. His eyes rolled back to the back of his head as he then collapsed into a heap. “MIKEY!”

“He’s losing too much blood, Leo! We have to take him back to my lab ASAP!” 

“I’ll carry him,” Leo scooped his arms underneath his baby brother. The three of them limped out from the ruins of the wreckage and towards the nearest manhole cover. Karai held it open for them, wanting to help out. “Thanks Karai.”

“Take care of them,” she said before closing the manhole cover once the four of them had climbed safely into the sewers. The moment they had returned and entered the lab, Mikey’s body was placed in a cot.

Donnie began to scramble for his medical supplies and bandages, despite having a broken arm. “Donnie,” Leo frowned, following the genius as Raph stayed near Mikey’s side, never leaving. “Let me help, you have a broken arm!”

“I’m fine! Just do me a favor and watch over Mikey!” Donnie snapped, much to Leo’s disbelief. He just wanted to help. But from the looks of it Donnie and Raph were both beyond pissed. Leo couldn’t blame them, after all, they had all nearly died because he abandoned them during their mission. 

“This is all your fault, Leo!” Raph growled behind him, and Leo could tell by his tone of voice that the hothead was crying. Leo bit his lip tightly, tears blurring his vision as he could only watch Donnie frantically trying to stop Mikey from bleeding any further. Blood was everywhere, there was too much of it. The cot was practically stained scarlet. “We nearly died all because of you! Mikey nearly died because of you!” Guilt overwhelmed Leo, leaving his legs shaking violently. It was true, he had betrayed them! How could he abandon his brothers and put their lives in jeopardy?

“He’s finally stable…” Donnie whispered after five minutes of wrapping and cleaning Mikey’s deep wounds. “Raph I need to do a blood transfusion.” Usually Leo was the calm and demeaned one, but he couldn’t back the tears. This was all his fault. Raph was right, if only he hadn’t followed Karai then none of this would’ve happened. The building wouldn’t have exploded, and they wouldn’t be in a dire situation like this.

“That should do it,” Donnie stated, once he had acquired the amount of blood needed from Raph into an IV bag. He hooked it up to insert it into Mikey’s body. Slowly the youngest’s body began to return to its normal shade of lime green. Leo walked over to stand beside Mikey’s cot, reaching down to touch his hand. Unfortunately, Leo felt his hand being slapped away from Mikey.

“Don’t ya think ya done enough damage?” Raph retorted. Donnie fumbled in the back, trying to take care of his broken arm and put it into a sling. 

“I’m just glad he’s okay…” Leo said quietly. “I’m glad you’re all okay…” 

“Yeah, right. Really think we’ll forgive ya after pulling a stupid stunt like this?” Raph brushed his shoulder violently against Leo’s causing him to step away from Mikey’s cot. 

“Look… I know you all blame me…” Leo started.

“Like shell we do!” Raph snarled, emerald irises flashing with hatred. Leo had never seen such a look in Raph’s eyes before. A look of betrayal. He had really made the worst mistake this time. “You’re the one who decided to abandon his own brothers for your precious Karai!” By this point, Mikey stirred on the cot, eyes cracking open. 

“It was the most contemptible thing to do,” Donnie added, finishing with tying the strap of his sling around his shell to support his left arm. 

“Mikey?” Leo gasped, finally noticing that he was okay. He reached out a hand towards the youngest, but froze as he noticed how Mikey recoiled away from him, visibly flinching. He could see the tears glistening in Mikey’s eyes. 

“You betrayed us Leo!” The blue masked turtle felt a hand shove his shoulder. “I thought leaders are supposed to guide their team?” Leo didn’t back down even when Raphael was directly in his face. “Aren’t they supposed to defend their team? Like Master Splinter said? Not ditch their team?! What kind of leader are you?!” 

“Raph! That’s enough!” Donnie scolded, upon noticing how all this yelling was making Mikey flinch and grimace in pain. The genius put out a hand between Leo and Raph. “Perhaps it would be best for you to contemplate what you’ve done,” Donnie suggested. Leo knew that was addressed directly towards him as he nodded. Why would he stay in the lab if all of his brothers hated him right now? He turned, making his way out from the lab. He could hear Raph’s words burning behind him. 

“Some leader.” He escaped to the dojo, trying to meditate despite how unsettled he was. 

“I’m so sorry Master Splinter…” Leo choked, tears spilling from his eyes as he gazed at the photo of his father on the dojo shelf. “What kind of leader am I? I failed my team… I failed my brothers…. I’m not worthy as leader or Sensei…” he clenched his hands tightly around his knee pads. The candles flickered as Leonardo shut his eyes tightly. “I don’t know what to do anymore…” Thoughts swirled in his head, perhaps it would be better if he left. His brothers didn’t need him, they hated him. He could bother still being around them as the failure he was. The leader didn’t know how long he had been sitting there, but he eventually passed out. 

The moment he woke up, he realized that it was morning. Somehow he had fallen asleep due to exhaustion, being emotionally unstable and alone with his thoughts. What occurred through Leonardo’s mind replayed itself. Heaving a deep sigh, Leo knew what he needed to do now. Leo entered the kitchen to already find finished bowls of cereals. His brothers had already been up, and that included Mikey. Making his way to the lab, Leo found that all three of them were in there. Donnie was checking Mikey over who sat on the cot. Raph was sitting in a chair next to the freckled terrapin. The orange clad turtle was awake, grimacing as Donnie had to rewrap his wounds. 

“Look who finally showed up,” Raph folded his arms tightly across his plastron. Leo sighed, taking a step forward. He could tell that Mikey was avoiding his gaze as well as Donnie.

“There’s something I need to say…”

“Better make it quick.” 

“I’m deeply sorry for putting all of your lives in jeopardy, and for abandoning you when I should’ve stayed by your sides. I know that I have failed as a leader, and that I am unworthy as Sensei. Last night, I reflected a lot. Why should I still stay if I am nothing but a failure?” Leo could see how Mikey flicked his gaze toward him, opening his mouth. The leader continued, as Mikey silenced himself. “So I’ve decided that I will take my leave.” 

“You’re leaving?” Donnie gasped, turning his head in sheer surprise. Mikey pushed himself off the cot, ignoring the way Donnie specifically told him to stay put. 

“Yes,” Leo nodded his head. “I’ll be heading to the jungle of Central America. I will train and mediate in becoming a better leader. I will take this as an opportunity to reflect upon my mistakes.” 

"You're leaving us just like that?" Mikey's eyes were wide with horror, glimmering with tears, pleading. Donnie was silent, his good hand clenching the bar of the cot. 

"Fine!" Raph growled, standing up from his chair. He stomped ‘til he was in front of the sea-green turtle. He shoved a harsh hand against Leonardo's plastron. "Leave for all I care! We don't need you!" 

Leonardo frowned, sighing deeply. "I'm sorry... it's for the best..." He could feel himself being shoved, stumbling out from the lab as the lab doors were slammed shut in his face. Tears streamed down Leo’s cheeks as he sighed sullenly. He turned around, before nabbing his supplies that he would need for his departure. His brothers didn’t even bother to say goodbye, and as heartbroken as Leonardo felt, he knew it was for the best that he leave. And so he did, disappearing out from the laid and never to be seen again.


	3. Follow the Leader

“He actually left?.....” Mikey sobbed, burying his face into his knee pads. “He’s never coming back?...” Raph rolled his eyes growling. It had been two days since the incident and a day since Leo permanently left.

“Stop crying like a baby and get used to it!” Mikey’s eyes widened, yelping as the hothead slapped him. 

“AH!” 

“Raph!” Donnie forced the crimson masked terrapin back. “You shouldn’t hit him! He’s still injured!” 

“I’m sick of him crying over Leo!” Raph growled, brushing Donnie’s hand aside. “What did ya think was gonna happen? He betrayed us! He left! Get used to it!” Donnie bit his lip, staying silent as he gazed worriedly at Mikey. The freckled turtle’s lip was trembling tears staining his eyes and cheeks. 

Raph snarled, turning around to head out from the lab, but not before he slammed his fist against the wall, causing something to crash upon the floor. Mikey hiccupped as Donnie leaned over to wrap an arm around his younger brother, being careful of his other broken arm. 

“If he’s gone… what’s going to happen now, D?” 

“Honestly, I have no idea Mikey…” Donnie murmured, at loss for words. They had no leader, no Sensei so how would their team even function? Although there was no doubt that Raph would probably take the responsibility of becoming the leader now. And that, frightened Donnie beyond anything. 

* * *

**Meanwhile**

* * *

Leonardo had managed to catch a ride on a plane, taking his departure to Central America. It was long ride in the bottom of the plane, hiding where the luggage was collected. When the plane landed, he exited and caught a ride in the back trunk of a jeep. Now he was on his way to the jungle, a place where he could finally reflect on everything that he had done. His brothers would be just fine without him, he was sure.

* * *

A few days turned out to be several weeks. Mikey and Donnie had fully healed from their injuries. The three of them had breakfast as usual, the way Mikey always did it. Then they headed into the dojo as Raph stated that he had an announcement to make. 

“Since Leo is now gone,” Raph began, facing his two younger brothers. “That leaves me as the oldest here. And therefore, I will be the leader from here on out.” Donnie and Mikey shared a glance betwixt themselves. “Unless one of you wants to compete against me for role as leader.” Upon receiving no response from both youngsters, Raph smirked. “I thought so. Now tonight, we’re gonna bash some heads!” Raph slapped his fist into his other palm. 

“Aww yeah boi!” 

* * *

The jungle was not what Leo had expected. The foliage was thick, the air dense and humid. Who would’ve thought that it would be so hard to breathe and survive out here. He missed being at home, having the comfort of shelter and food. 

_No,_ Leo shook his head, dismissing his thoughts. He was out here for a reason, and he needed to stick by it. The sky was beginning to darken, and Leonardo knew that he would need to find some sort of shelter. The jungle was a dangerous place to be, there were exotic creatures not to mention jaguars and pythons even. But first, he would need to make a little campfire to keep warm. Cutting off several branches from a bush with his katana blades, Leo piled them into a heap, making a distinct shape. He rubbed two other sticks together, rapidly until a small spark had form. Throwing it into his little pile, the sticks began to erupt into flames as a fire burned. This would suit. The warmth of the fire helped to soothe Leo. 

Reaching behind him to pluck the berries from the bush, Leonardo began to eat. He remembered Donnie lecturing about poisonous berries, but this one seemed safe. Once the flames began to die down, Leo decided to climb up into the nearest tree. He could find some shelter in hiding on a branch, underneath a large fig leaf. Leaning his shell against the bark, Leo closed his eyes drifting off to sleep. He kept a tentative hand on the hilt of his katana. 

* * *

“MIKEY!” The said turtle flinched at the way his named was yelled. He was accidentally hit by a foot bot and collided against Raph.

“My bad!” He lifted his hands in defense at seeing Raph’s seething expression. 

“You know what? That’s it!” Raph growled, shoving Mikey aside as he bumped into Donnie. “If you can’t handle this, then I will take care of it!” Raph charged at Tigerclaw. 

“Mikey?” The freckled turtle turned his head, noticing the worry placed on Donnie’s face. “You’re hurt.” He motioned towards the bloody gash that was visible on Mikey’s right shoulder. 

“It’s nothing,” Mikey shrugged his shoulders, masking the pain that he felt. It hurt knowing that he couldn’t even complete the task Raph had given him. He was sure Leo would‘ve probably reacted the same way, but Raph was one to be vulgar in expressing what needed to be said or done. 

“No it’s not,” Donnie shook his head, only to be socked in the face by another foot bot. 

“Donnie!” Mikey tried to fling the blade of his kusarigama chain at his brother, only to be flung back by a tight grip on his shell. He grunted, feeling himself slamming against the concrete of the rooftop. 

“Get off him!” A voice yelled, the robot’s head being split apart by the sharp end of a sai. Mikey gasped, moving backwards as Raph tore apart the robot into pieces. “What were you thinking?!” Mikey’s eyes were wide as Raph’s emerald irises were practically blazing. It looked as if Raph’s head was on fire. “You distracted Donnie! He could’ve gotten hurt all because you distracted him!”

“It’s not his fault!” Donnie grasped Raph’s shoulder, forcing the red masked terrapin around. “I was the one who wanted to talk to him! I was scrutinizing his wound!” Raph spared a quick glance at Mikey’s bleeding shoulder before turning to face where they had been recently fighting the bots of Tigerclaw’s army. However, Tigerclaw was gone, and so were the remaining robots. “Well you could’ve done that after the fight was over!” Raph snapped, glaring at Donnie. “Now we lost Tigerclaw. You two are the worst ninjas ever!” Donnie scowled in disdain at this, clenching his fists tightly at his sides. Mikey gazed away, finding the concrete of the rooftop interesting. 

Raph took in a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “First thing tomorrow. You both will train like me.” 


	4. Hostile Tension

“Again!” Raph ordered for what seemed to be the hundredth time. Mikey and Donnie were doing push-ups for what seemed to be hours. Then they switched to squats, as Raph corrected them, knocking their calves. “Your stance is wrong,” he told Mikey. “You need to push yourself harder.” Raph turned motioning for them to copy him, reciprocating katas. “Exactly like me.” He turned, watching as Mikey collapsed against the dojo mat. 

“Uuuugh,” Mikey gasped heavily, trying to breathe despite how sweaty and weak he felt. He was exhausted. “I can’t do it!... I need… water…” Mikey rasped, sticking out his tongue. His mouth felt extremely dry. 

“Get up!” Raph kicked his side, making Mikey grimace. “I didn’t tell you to stop Bonehead!” 

“Have you ever bothered to consider taking a break?” Donnie questioned, panting as his legs felt feeble. “We’ve been training for hours non-stop, Raph.” 

“And you two need to be better ninjas, and stronger,” Raph said, once again standing in front of them. “Ninjas don’t take breaks. You two should’ve learned that by now.” He pointed at both of them.

Donnie gritted his teeth tightly, finally having enough. “But we can’t overwork ourselves, Raph. It’s not healthy! We’ve been like this for a week!” 

“So? It’s not my fault that you’re not as well built as me.” That was it! That was the fuel added to Donnie’s fire.

“That’s your problem, Raph!” Donnie’s brown eyes glowered at his older brother. “You never think things logically through! That was evident when we were on patrol and Mikey got injured! And now you’re blaming us for not being at the same level of muscle as you! We don’t fight like you Raph! You can’t expect to push us over the limit! You’ve never been fit to be leader! I should be leader!” It was a bold statement, one that made the room intensify by a thousand degrees. 

“What makes you think you can be the leader?” Raph placed his hands angrily onto his hips. 

“Well for one,” Donnie took a step forward, eyes narrowing as he glared down at Raph. “You’re hot headed and your temper lacks control. I, on the other hand, am smarter and more rational than you! Raph growled at this, fingers clenching around the hilt of his sais, “we shall see about that.” He took them out from the back of his belt, twirling them. 

“Then so be it,” Donnie pulled out his bo staff. 

“Dudes! Please! Don’t fight!” Mikey stood in between the two of them, trying to prevent the fight from starting 

“Stay out of this Mikey!” The freckled turtle grunted, feeling Raph shove him roughly, causing him to slam against the wall behind him. He felt the world spinning as he clutched onto the wall for balance. Raph lunged at Donnie, sais out and sharp as the two or engaged into a fight. Donnie twirled his bo staff, whacking Raph as the two continued to quarrel. Raph socked Donnie, grunting as he slashed his sai over the genius’ wrist. Donnie yelped loudly in pain, as blood sprayed into the air.

Mikey groaned, shaking his head as he finally regained his senses. His eyes widened in horror. The fight was now getting out of control, blood was being drawn. “DUDES! STOP!” Mikey screamed over the clashing of metal against wood. “This isn’t right! You’re hurting each other! We shouldn’t fight like this!” Mikey gasped as Donnie was thrown onto the dojo mat, the genius yelping as a sai was rammed right next to his head, barely missing him by mere inches.   
  


“That should teach you to not compete with me,” Raph growled above him. With that, he retreated his sai stepping away from Donnie and spitting against the mat. The hothead left the dojo, wanting to let out some steam.

“Donnie...” Mikey frowned, reaching towards his brother. He could see the nasty cut on his arm, blood trickling down his olive-green skin.

“Forget it, Mikey,” Donnie shook his head, pushing himself off the floor. “I’m heading to April’s.” Now the youngest was left alone in the dojo.   
  


Mikey clenched his fist tightly. Anger boiled in his gut. It made him feel ill, but he didn’t care. “This isn’t right!” He kicked his toe against the wall, ignoring the throbbing pain that it caused from the force of impact. “We shouldn’t be fighting like this! Why won’t they listen to me?! Why can’t I do anything right?!” 

* * *

Raph decided to let out some steam with Casey. The two of them going topside. “Wow, you seriously got into a serious fight with Donnie,” Casey commented, the two of them sitting on a rooftop.

Raph shrugged his shoulders. “Doesn’t matter, he thinks that he can be leader, when it should be me. I’ve always had the capacity to be leader. But man! It pisses me off like shell when my brothers can never see me as one!” He kicked a rock off the rooftop. “Master Splinter chose stupid Leo. And now when I’m leader Donnie questions my authority?! And Mikey! He doesn’t pay attention or focus like how he’s supposed to!”

“You know what?” Casey leaned back, pushing himself up. He wasn’t exactly great at talking and having conversations like this. “I think I know what will help you let out some steam dude.” Raph turned his gaze to Casey, listening intently. “I heard on the police radio that there’s some sort of shooting downtown. The police have been trying to track down the suspect. What do you say? You up for some crime fighting action?”  
  


“Sounds good to me,” Raph smirked, standing up as he took out a sai, following after Casey. 

* * *

“Leo left?” April’s eyes were wide at the news told before her. She was sitting on the couch in her living room alongside Donnie inside her apartment. As much as she loved Donnie, needless to say she was shocked that her boyfriend got into a heated fight with Raph that actually caused harm. “Here, let me take care of your arm,” she touched his hand gently. Donnie sighed deeply, allowing April to tend to his wound and wrap a bandage around it. 

“I don’t understand why Leo could leave just like that?” Donnie frowned. “He betrayed us and abandoned us. And Raph shouldn’t be leader, he’s always pushing us around, and pushing us past our limits. It’s so aggravating! I should be the leader!”

“You got to take it easy, Donnie,” April held his head fondly. “Fighting with Raph won’t make anything better.”

“Perhaps you’re right, April,” Donnie buried his face into his hands. “I don’t know what to do anymore.” The redhead frowned at this, wrapping her arms around Donnie. “Raph isn’t one to listen to logic.” 

* * *

Mikey didn’t know how he ended up in the bathroom and staring at himself in the mirror. But for some odd reason he couldn’t look away. Why was he like this?! Why couldn’t he focus?! Why was he so useless?! His fist came, smashing against the mirror as it split into a million fragmented cracks. The turtle sagged to the floor, shell leaning against the wall as he began to sob. Why couldn’t he do anything right?! 


	5. Separation

Miley bit his lip tightly as Donnie began to lecture. The three of them were standing in the dojo. He spoke about how Raph was unfit and that how Donnie would help the team to prosper through using reason and actual common sense. “And therefore, that is why I should be leader,” he finished. The youngest gazed worriedly at Raph who’s face had darkened. A dark hand reached behind his shell to touch his sai. “Raph,” Donnie shook his head, frowning. “Don’t do this,” knowing fully well that they’d end up in another brutal fight, perhaps even worse this time. 

For a moment the two of them stared at each other, one waiting for the other to attack. Raph released his grip, lowering his arm to his side. “Ya right, this isn’t worth it. This isn’t worth my time. You know what? I quit!” Mikey’s eyes widened at Raph’s statement. 

“You don’t mean that-” Donnie started.

“Like shell I mean it!” Raph snapped bitterly. “Besides, I’ve already found a useful place,” he stormed out from the dojo. Donnie sighed heavily as Mikey gave him a gloomy expression.

“Guess it’s just you and me, Mikey.” 

“D?” Mikey reached out toward his brother, noticing how distraught his brother looked. 

“Of course Raph wouldn’t listen. He never does! Now there isn’t any team anymore!”

“Hey, you still got me,” Mikey touched his own plastron, signifying himself. “You still have me. I haven’t left dude.

“Like that matters?” Mikey froze, feeling his heart sink at that.

“You saying…… that it doesn’t matter if I’m here?...” 

“Ugh,” Donnie groaned, rubbing the side of his face. “I have a headache, I’m not having his conversation right now,” he brushed past Mikey and headed to shut himself into his lab. Mikey sighed, feeling tears on the brink of spilling. 

So it was true? Both Raph and Donnie didn’t care if he was even there, and nor did Leo who was gone. Mikey turned, staring at the kunais on the weapon shelf. He didn’t know what came over him, but his body moved. The turtle picked up the tiny blade, studying it as a thought came to mind. 

If he didn’t matter? Then should he treat himself the same? Nobody cared, he was nothing. He couldn’t focus, like Raph said. He didn’t matter just like Donnie said. And all those other times Leonardo got mad at him for messing up. He couldn’t even keep peace between Raph and Donnie. He tried to stop them, but of course nobody listened to him. Certainly they wouldn’t care if anything happened to him. 

Mikey’s hand moved on its own, slicing the edge of the blade against his wrist in one fluid motion. He gasped as the pain stung, the cut opening as blood trickled out. In a brief moment all Mikey could do was stare at his cut, his eyes glazed over. For some odd reason, the pain felt good. He deserved it, he deserved to be punished. The pain made his dark thoughts bearable. 

* * *

Leo aimed his katana blade, stabbing the little rodent. It’s body squirmed before going still as Leo closed his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he told the creature. But he was starving, he needed food other than precisely eating fruit and berries. If Donnie were here, he’d be lecturing on how he needed some lean meat and protein in his diet. Taking the now dead animal, Leo kept it impaled on his katana blade, using the other blade to slice off the fur. 

He then lifted it, slowly roasting it over his fire. The flames fizzled as the meat began to cook. Once finished, he took a hearty bite of it, chewing at its tough texture. Putting the rest to save for later into his bag, he hoisted over his shoulder as he began to venture further out into the jungle. The dew of the morning air was thick, as birds began to sing high in the treetops. There were sounds he had never heard before.

“Leonardo.” He froze, turning his head around in confusion. There was nobody there, yet he swore he heard someone call his name. He shrugged his shoulders, continuing to walk as he used his blade to cut branches of bushes that were in his way. “Leonardo.” The sound was louder this time, and Leo yelped as a glowing figure appeared before him. Stumbling back as his shell hit the moist ground, Leo stared up above with wide eyes.

There Master Splinter stood, talking. “Leonardo.”

“Sensei?” Leo shook his head, blinking hard. Master Splinter’s spirit was visiting him? No this couldn’t be happening! 

“You must return to your brothers,” Master Splinter said. “They need you.”

“No! They don’t!” Leo shook his head, slapping his hands at Master Splinter’s spirit. “I came here for a reason and I’m not abandoning my purpose!” He moved on, ignoring Master Splinter. 

“Leonardo…” Leo could feel a stab of guilt from ignoring his Sensei. He was never one to do such a thing, but he couldn’t not this time. 

“Go away.” Leo was surprised to find that Master Splinter had obeyed command, disappearing into thin air. The blue masked terrapin sighed, pushing his way through the foliage. That was until he came upon a sight. 

There were huts in every direction, sewn together by twigs and logs. There were indigenous people dancing around a fire. However, there was a group of white men hanging out in the treetops above them, aiming their guns. Leo’s eyes widened. They were bandits. He needed to act quick! 

Deciding to climb up the nearest tree, Leonardo leapt from the branch to fight against the bandits as a gunshot fired up into the air, missing the villagers. Leo flung the gun down onto the floor as he kicked the other bandits, unsheathing his katana blades as he began to fight.   
  


* * *

“That should do it,” Casey grinned, scribbling some black marker onto the robber’s foreheads. It read: ‘To cops from Casey.’

“Gimme that,” Raph snatched the marker and began to scribble something else. “Hmmm, there much better.” 

“The Nightwatcher?” Casey read the words that Raph had added. 

“That’s my new vigilante name,” Raph smirked. “It’s wicked.” 

“Neat,” he and Casey high fived each other. The sound of someone screaming diverted their attention to the building on their right. It was a local bar, as someone was thrown out the doors. Raph tugged the dark hood over his face. He would eventually need another disguise other than the one he currently had. Following Casey to peek in through the window, sure enough there was a fight breaking out in the middle of the bar. He nodded his head, lunging in with Casey following suit. The two of them knocking out the burly men. People gasped all around them, gathering and cheering. None of them even bothered with the fact that there was a mutant turtle in their presence. 

“Well that was easy,” Raph dusted his hands, only to feel an arm sling around him. It was a drunk man, and he was turned to face this waitress. She wore a tight bodice outfit, her legs nearly completely bare, and her chest near visible. Raph gulped, listening as the man beckoned the woman to give him a drink.

“Consider this a thank you, for knocking out that man over there,” he motioned to the unconscious man who was now being tied up.

“Eh, it was nothing,” Raph replied.

“Raph, we got to go,” he could hear Casey say behind him. “We shouldn’t stay here any longer. This isn’t a good environment to be in.”

“Aww come on,” the man chuckled near Raph’s ear. “Who says that you can’t have a little fun?” 

“You’re right,” Raph took the glass set before him. It was a high shot of vodka, taking it as he gulped it down. He shuddered, gasping at how strong it was. It was nasty. 

“Here, have another,” the man beckoned. 

“Raph,” Casey pleaded, tugging onto his arm.

“You deserve it,” the man finished, pushing Casey aside. Raph grinned nodding his head as he took another. 

“This isn’t so bad,” Raph slurred once he had taken his fourth drink. 


	6. Cathartic

Mikey sighed, itching at his cut that he had covered with his wrappings. There was yelling and screaming from inside the lab, followed by a loud bang.

“YOU DID WHAT?!” Donnie screeched as Mikey stood in the open doorway of the lab. Donnie was fuming as was Raph who knocked over a beaker on Donnie’s desk, as it shattered upon Donnie’s floor. This only added more fire to Donnie’s rage. “You stayed late and got drunk?! What were you thinking?!” 

“What does it matter?!” Raph snarled, stumbling a bit as Mikey wrinkled his nose at the strong stench of alcohol. Even he could smell it from the doorway. “Who are you to boss me around? It was only one time.” 

“There’s no such thing as one time!” Donnie slammed his fist against his desk. Mikey jumped, his hands tightening around the lab door handles. “You can get become addicted! Do you really want to waste your life and mentality away?” 

“You can’t tell me what to do!” Raph snarled louder this time, picking up another beaker and throwing it as Donnie ducked his head. It smashed against the wall. “I can do whatever the shell I want!”

“That’s it! Get out of my lab!” Mikey retreated from the doorway, finally having enough of his hearing his brothers at each other’s throats. He flinched at hearing another banging sound. The orange clad turtle made his way into the dojo as he decided to practice on his own. He did a bunch of pushups, and katas. He needed to be better. 

* * *

Leonardo smirked, perched onto a tropical branch overlooking the jeeps down below. There were poachers in the jungle, getting ready to hunt some endangered species. Leo knew all too well that these men needed to be stopped. This kind of activity was illegal. The turtle leapt down, using his katanas to slice the ropes that held the trapped animals, freeing them. 

“No! What’s happening?!” One poacher yelled, realizing that all the animals were running free. Leo has lunged forward as a poacher aimed a rifle at him. However, Leo’s speed was no match for the man as Leo had dispatched him from his weapon. He used his katana blade to pierce the rifle, and break it half before leaping at the other men. Bullets were fired in the air, Leo dodging them as he kicked one in the face, another in the gut. He took their rifles, smashing them against the jagged rocks behind him. They split apart, as the men stared completely shocked at how a giant humanoid turtle had beat them. 

“Retreat!” One of them yelled, screaming as they all hurriedly ran to their jeeps, immediately driving off and away. Leo grinned, sheathing his katanas. Well that was easy.   
  


* * *

Mikey entered the kitchen for dinner, only this time Donnie didn’t join. The genius was still shut in his lab. He and Raph sat in silence as Mikey finished the ramen noodles, handing the said bowl to Raph. The hothead took it, slurping as he was slouched over in his stool. Mikey could tell by the way his head rolled that he was indeed drunk. 

“So you got drunk huh, Dude?” Mikey questioned, hating the silence between them.

“So what? If you’re gonna lecture me like Donnie then I’ll sew your mouth shut,” Raph snarled, his words slurring. Mikey didn’t respond to that for a moment, before taking another forkful of ramen.

“Nah, wasn’t going to get on your case like D,” Mikey replied. “Did it feel good?” He studied his older brother, curious and questioning.

Raph cocked his head, surprised that Mikey had asked such a thing. “Of course it did.” 

“Yeah,” Mikey nodded, keeping a hand over his wrist, the one he had cut. He caressed it gently as Raph proceeded to finish his food. 

“All right that’s it,” Raph shoved his bowl forward, not even caring if some of its contents spilled over Mikey’s arm. “I’m getting some shut eye,” he stood up from his stool, stumbling in his steps as he exited the kitchen. 

Mikey sighed, wiping off the spilled broth from his skin. He set the two bowls into the sink, exiting the kitchen to find Raph passed out and wasted on the beanbag. He was practically drooling, his mouth wide open. 

“Donnie!” Mikey turned his head, noticing how April had entered the lab. “Have you not eaten anything today? And you’ve been in your lab all day long.” The orange clad turtle could see April snatching a vial of pills from Donnie’s desk. “Have you also been overdosing on these pills? Donnie!” Groaning, Mikey rubbed the side of his face. He was bored out of his mind. 

Itching at the covered cut, Mikey gazed down at it. Perhaps he could do another one? To ease some stress and at least it was something to do. He headed into his bedroom, closing the door with a soft click behind him. He took out the blade of his nun-chuck making another cut on his other wrist. He smiled at the sight of blood, the feeling of pain buzzing into his blood. 

* * *

Leo was now sitting in the grass, meditating. He thought about everything he had done, including every mistake. “Leonardo,” he heard that same voice in his mind, reaching out to him. 

“No, not now,” Leo shook his head. “Not this again. Please, stop,” he pulled himself out from meditating pose. He could see Splinter’s spirit, but he closed his eyes passing right through him. “I already told you. I’m not returning back.” The leader ventured in between several bushes, walking away. The sound of rushing water drew nearer as he opened his eyes to find a pool ahead of him. 

Ah yes, he found a water source! Kneeling down to scoop water into his hands he sipped. This was also the perfect place for him to take a bath. After all, his encounter with the poachers did take a lot of out him, even when he took them down so easily. It made it harder to fight with how thick and humid the air was. The sun sometimes felt like a blazing ball of fire, despite how wet the jungle was even when it rained. Dipping himself into the pool, Leonardo began to cool himself off. 

The sound of growling drew his attention to the right, near the smaller bushes. Midnight blues widened in terror as a pair of golden eyes stared at him. The Jaguar leapt, lunging into the pool. Leo ducked, kicking and swimming as he jumped out from the pool. The wild cat was hot on his heels as Leo drew his blades. Snarling with sharp fangs bared, the spotted feline swiped its claws at him.

Leo yelped at the sting of pain it caused. There was a bloody slash on his shoulder. He swung his katana, the sharp edge of the blade cutting into the jaguar’s side. Cat yowled, its fur standing on end as Leo slashed his other blade to ward off the creature. The jaguar crept back, blood gushing from its side before dashing away. 

“Jeez, what a close one,” Leo sagged his shell against the back of a tree trunk. He wasted no time in taking his wrappings and tending to his fresh wound. 


	7. The Return

It had been two years, two full years since Leonardo left. "This has gone on long enough. They can't keep doing this."

"You're right, Red," Casey Jones leaned back in the park bench beside his friend. "Every time I try to tell Raph that what he's doing is wrong, he always blows a fuse."

"He's practically an alcohol addict, Casey," April sighed. "Beside the fact that he is always out late at night fighting crime and getting himself into a dangerous situations along with other drug dealers. Donnie has become a drug addict, and I've only convinced him to leave the lab several times to eat. But it's not enough, he resorts back in there and shuts himself in there all day long. He takes sleeping pills, and even steroids." April sighed, leaning her chin into her palm, elbow on her leg. "I've been trying to talk him out of it, but nothing is effective. As for Mikey.... I have no idea what's wrong with him. He acts like he's fine, joking around but I can tell that he's not. He's been wearing more wrappings that cover his arms, wrists, thighs, legs and even his ankles. It's like he's covering his entire self up."

"Jeez," Casey crossed his legs. "Never thought it would get this bad."

"Me either," April shook her head, feeling tears sting in her eyes. "It hurts me seeing my boyfriend like this. But it also hurts seeing Raph and Mikey too. It's like the three of them don't even interact anymore. Mikey cooks for himself and then disappears who knows where. Raph leaves the lair all day long and only returns late in the middle of the night, drunk. Sometimes he even smells of cigarettes. Donnie himself has closed himself out from everybody. I don't know what to do... I even told a therapist from school about my friends and her suggestions aren't even working. None of them want any help, and I can't force them to."

"If only Leo were here," Casey leaned back further. "Maybe he'd know what to do? He is or was the leader after all."

"I highly doubt that Casey. They hate Leo, and he left them remember?"

"Where did he even go anyway? The Farmhouse?" Casey questioned.

"No," April shook her head. "Donnie once told me that he went to Central America, to train in the jungle."

"So he became a wildman?" Casey snorted. "Or turtle."

"You know, maybe Leo could help?" April perked her head up. "They may hate Leo for what he had done. But it's honestly the only thing left."

"Well, it's not like we can find him anyway if Donnie says he's in Central America," Casey commented. "He could be anywhere in the jungles."

"Yeah..." April sighed deeply. "You're right... if only he would come back..."

* * *

Leonardo yawned, the komorebi wakening him from his slumber. The blue masked turtle stood, seeing parrots and colorful birds chirping in the top branches. The morning air smelled wonderful. Picking up his bag he trudged further to find something to eat for breakfast. Lifting his gaze he was met with a spectacular sight. There were tiny golden monkeys climbing the branches above and picking at the wild fruit. It appeared to be mangoes and bananas.

Mouthwatering, Leo used his katana blades to climb up the tree. He propelled himself upward as the monkeys scurried away. Plucking the fruit off the branches, Leonardo dropped down to the rainforest floor. There he sat down, taking a fruitful taste of the fruit. It tasted delicious, and rather juicy.

Taking another bite, Leo froze at the image of Master Splinter's face. He shook his head, closing his eyes tightly. No... why was this happening? Leo knew that it perhaps had been two years since he hadn't returned, but it was hard to keep track of time when you're alone in a jungle. Master Splinter's spirit kept haunting him, sometimes in his dreams until Leonardo screamed for him to go away. Fortunately enough, he did, for a long time and that was until now.

Opening his eyes, Leo stared at Master Splinter who was standing there. His spirit glowed blue in color, regarding him being silent this time. Usually when he did visit he would call out Leo's name, but no he wasn't. He just stared at Leo making him feel rather self-conscious and anxious.

"I don't have time for this," Leo stated, hoping this time that Master Splinter would leave just like the other time. "Go away," he said, pushing himself up to grab his backpack to trek on. He decided he would ignore him, though Leo could still sense his Sensei's presence following him. Soon, he began to run, trying to get away. Sprinting across the thick grass, Leo came to what appeared to be a stream. He breathed heavily, hands clenching his knees.

Turning his head, he yelped as Master Splinter still stood there. He had followed him, never leaving his side. "Fine," Leo snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What do you want, Sensei?"

"My son," Master Splinter's spirit began. "You have changed. You cannot run away from your duty."

Leo sighed, falling to his knees. He knew fully well where this conversation was going. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You cannot run away from your problems forever, Leonardo," Master Splinter knelt down one front of him, placing a hand onto Leo's shoulder. Though it wasn't physical, the turtle could feel the soothing warmth. Making no comment, Leo lifted his gaze to look at his master and father. "Your brothers need you, Leonardo."

There it was. There it was again, that topic of returning to his brothers. "No," Leo shook his head. "I can't, Sensei. I can't go back to them, they hate me."

"Leadership is not about being appreciated; it is about responsibility. It does not matter that the burden is heavy; it matters that you carry it."

Tears burned in midnight blue eyes. "But I can't fail. Not like I had failed them!" He gazed down at his hands as if they were covered with shame.

"Failure is a possibility that all leaders must face. We chose what holds us back, and what moves us forward. There is no such thing as a perfect leader. A true leader is one who is humble enough to admit their mistakes and learn from them."

"I don't know Sensei..." the terrapin sighed. "I don't feel worthy."

"Worthiness is not marked by mistakes. They do not define you. This isn't about you, it is about the team you serve." Splinter reached out to touch Leo's plastron, "your brothers need you, Leonardo. You were chosen as leader for a reason. Mistakes are part of experience, do not let that hinder you."

"Sensei?" Leo tilted his head up noticing how the mutant rat was now floating up into the air.

"Go, you must not waste any more time. It is crucial that you return. You are needed." Master Splinter's ghost slowly began to disperse into the air. "You need them, and they need you."

A few tears leaked from Leo's eyes as he took in a deep breath. He clenched a fist tightly over his right knee as he stood up shakily. Maybe Master Splinter was right. He had been out here long enough. Even if his brothers hated him, he was needed.

"This will be the hardest thing I've ever done," Leo bit his lip tightly. He hoisted his backpack over his shell as he followed the bushes to the campsite where he knew several tourists were staying. With that, he snuck into their jeep as he prepared himself on the ride to the nearest airport, miles away. He was going home. He was going to face his fear, even if his brothers resented him.


	8. Broken

The long flight home was quite a hassle. Leonardo had to ride the leg of the plane, as it landed back in New York City. He had to admit that he missed the city so much, and having people all around. Sure the jungle had several people, and lots of animals but it got quite lonely.

Gulping as he made his way to the sewers, he lifted the manhole cover as Leonardo entered. He trailed in the sewers until he came to the subway tracks and to the abandoned one where the lair stood. Leo's eyes widened at the sight before him, there his three brothers stood off to the side along with April and Casey.

It was like the moment the ex leader stepped foot back into his home everyone froze, staring at him. Leo expected that his brothers would greet him or miss him, but none of them didn't even bother to acknowledge him.

"Leo! You're back!" April was the only one who rushed up to him and flung her arms around him. Casey walked up too, a bright grin on his face. "You came back!"

Leo hugged April back, keeping his gaze on his brothers. Something was indeed off, these brothers it was like they didn't even care. Raph let out a growl, storming off into the dojo. Donnie's eyes were dull, dark bags underneath them and his body was thinner than normal. He disappeared off into the lab. As for Mikey, he just stood there staring at Leo with an expressionless emotion on his face.

Leo noticed the way his entire body seemed to be covered, from his wrists to his shoulders, his ankles all the way to his thighs. They never needed that much wrappings so why did Mikey do that?

"I'm so glad you're back," April squeezed Leo tightly, directing the leader's attention back to her. "You have no idea what has happened."

"What has happened?" Leo questioned.

"Maybe it's best we go into the kitchen and I'll fill you in," April said. Leo nodded his head, following the two into the kitchen. He could feel Mikey's presence in the doorway, at the entrance of the kitchen. He was peeking through the kitchen tarp. Leo listened as April began to tell him about how Donnie and Raph got into intense fights, one that broke out in drawing blood. Leo's eyes widened at this, clenching his fists against the counter. She continued, mentioning how all the brothers grew apart, how Raph got drunk and would sneak out fighting crime, Donnie on the other hand starving himself and using drugs and Mikey, closing himself off.

Leo turned his head gazing at the entrance of the doorway meeting Mikey's gaze. The turtle quickly ducked his head behind, disappearing.

"It's that bad huh?"

"Unfortunately, yes," April frowned. Leo sighed, burying his face into his hands. How could this happen? How could he let this happen?

"Why did I let this happen?" April and Casey leaned back, now noticing how Leo began to break down. "I should've listened to Master Splinter when he kept telling me to go back. I failed them... and now I failed them again... I abandoned them when they needed me... all I do is keep failing.."

"Leo..." April touched his hand gently. "You may have made a lot of mistakes, but you are not a failure. Your brothers need you."

"How am I supposed to help them when they resent me? I could see it in their eyes."

Mikey bit his lip tightly, still standing behind the kitchen tarp, eavesdropping on the conversation. He wanted to cry the moment he saw Leo enter, but he already spent two years crying his eyes out. He didn't want to cry anymore, he simply didn't feel anything. Stepping back as he heard shuffling, Mikey trailed off to the bathroom.

The two teens had spent fifteen minutes in the kitchen, trying to talk to Leonardo. Eventually April and Casey had to leave due to having business to attend to. Now Leo was alone, and for once in his life he never so alone in the lair before, even with his brothers here. They were avoiding him, they couldn't even look at him.

Leo couldn't blame them. He had betrayed them after all, it was only fair that deserved this. He wasn't even the leader anymore. The blue masked turtle entered the dojo just as Raph brushed past him, giving him the rough shoulder.

"Hey, Raph..." Leo held out his hand. The hothead said nothing simply leaving and ignoring Leo. Letting out a defeated sigh, Leo knelt down onto the dojo mat facing the photo frames on the shelf. Master Splinter's picture still stood there and included their family album. Though Leo noticed something odd. He peered closer to find that where his face was in the family photo, the glass was cracked, making it impossible to make out Leo's face. Of course, he should've figured that one of his brothers or perhaps all of them intended to break the glass of the frame there. It was another sign of how much they hated him. Though Leo had no doubt that it was probably Raph who had done that.

"I'm so sorry Master Splinter..." Leo sighed sullenly, allowing a few tears to spill. "I don't know what to do... I failed my brothers again... they hate me... but I don't know how to help them... please..." he bowed his head. "Help me to fix this family..." Out the corner of his eye he saw a flash of orange. Lifting his head, Leo turned to the entrance of the dojo. "Mikey?" The color was gone the moment he said his brother's name. Was he being paranoid or was Mikey watching him?

Deciding to get up and see for himself, Leo indeed found Michelangelo walking off toward the bedrooms. "Mikey?" He called again. "Did you want something?" For a brief moment baby blues met midnight. In that short moment, Leo noticed how dull Michelangelo's eyes were. That twinkle that was always there was gone. "Mikey?" He repeated, stepping towards his youngest.

"Nah," Mikey shook his head. And for once Leo was glad that his brother even said a word to him. "I'm good." Mikey turned around before returning back to his room. Leo raised a quizzical eye ridge at this. April and Casey both told him about what was happening to Donnie and Raph but Mikey... they said they couldn't figure him out since he always escaped from even having a conversation about himself or anything in that matter.

Heading into the bathroom Leo gasped sharply at what he saw. It was not what he had expected. The mirror was shattered, and he even noticed splotches of blood in the tub. Leonardo's eyes widened in horror. No... this couldn't be good...


	9. Averse Change

Leo couldn't get the image of the blood splattered against the tub out of his mind. It was haunting him all night. He couldn't fathom who would've done such a thing. Raph was consuming alcohol, Donnie was drug addict could it be possible that Mikey was-

No! This couldn't be! Was Mikey self-harming himself? What would make the youngest do such a horrible thing?

Breathing in deeply as he willed himself to relax on his bed. Leo decided that he was going to make up his mind. He was going to confront Michelangelo tomorrow even if his brother would recoil away. Perhaps he could get through Mikey first.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

**THE NEXT MORNING**

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Mikey yawned, stretching himself from his bed. He exited his room to find Raph passed out drunk on the beanbag as usual. He could feel his wrist burning, and boi it felt good. Entering the kitchen Mikey was glad that he was alone as he began to cook himself some eggs.

The freckled terrapin was humming to himself, lost into his thoughts. He was suddenly pulled out of his reverie when a voice spoke from behind.

"I found blood in the tub last night." Leo regarded Mikey's body language, seeing that his shell was facing away from him. Mikey's body tensed before continuing to flip the eggs. There was no response from the younger turtle as he set himself a plate of breakfast. Leo stayed silent, watching Mikey as he turned to face the direction of the entrance. The blue masked turtle knew right then that Mikey was going to escape. "Why don't you sit down with me?" He suggested, motioning for Mikey to sit beside him. When he found Mikey standing there, eyes gazing from the tarp and Leo. He knew he needed to add something to give a reason for Michelangelo to stay. "I would like someone to keep me company."

Mikey's mouth clenched, settling into a straight line. And for once Leo wondered what was going through his little brother's mind. Would this tactic work to have Mikey stay? The orange masked turtle sighed, before taking his seat next to Leo. Leo smiled at this, feeling like he was at least going somewhere. Using this tactic he knew that if Mikey decided to leave, with Leo telling him that he wanted company Mikey would feel guilty if he left him alone.

Though the silence was unnerving, making Leo feel anxious. Mikey didn't speak a word, only using his fork to plop eggs into his mouth. He was eating quickly, almost as if he was in a hurry. Leonardo knew what he was doing, trying to find some way to get away from him. "Mikey," he placed a hand onto the freckled turtle's shoulder. The said turtle flinched, as Leo noticed a flash of pain appear on his face. "Are you okay?" Well duh, of course he wasn't but Leo needed to try, he needed to get Mikey to say something, anything at least.

Knowing that he would have to say something. Mikey nodded his head, deciding that he needed to switch gears. "Yeah, I'm good dude," he flashed his famous smile, brushing Leo's hand off his shoulder. It was too close, Leo's hand had made contact with one of his fresh cuts underneath the wrapping. He saw relief flood into Leo's face and for a moment Mikey grinned. His classic smile did the trick. "You want some eggs dude? I can make you some." Mikey knew that he needed to act cool and normal around Leonardo. He couldn't have his oldest brother suspect anything.

"I'd like that." Mikey nodded his head, getting up to start making Leo some eggs. He whistled, humming a tune that was all too familiar. The Olympics one, he did it all the time. It seemed that Leo was buying it, that was he indeed all right.

"Here you go!" Once finished, Mikey took the plate of eggs, placing it in front of his brother. "Enjoy! I also put anchovies in there."

"Thanks, Mikey," Leo took a tentative bite. He had to admit that this was the weirdest situation that he had ever been in. First Mikey was silent and tense, just to suddenly switch to being talkative and bright. Was Mikey recognizing his tactic? Leo couldn't let him off like that. He needed to think of something else quick, because it appeared to him that Mikey was still planning to escape, using his own tactic.

Leo wanted to laugh, two brothers using tactics against each other? Who would've thought. Mikey was already catching on to what Leo was trying to do. Clearing his throat, Leo gazed up noticing how Mikey tapped his fingers against the counter. "No problemo, dude," Mikey grinned.

"Hey, uh Mikey can you show me how you make these eggs?" It was a huge step in making Leo get closer to Mikey. Mikey wore an expression of surprise and Leo knew that now he had thrown his brother off.

"You want to know how I make these eggs with anchovies?"

"Yes," Leo nodded his head, praying that Mikey wouldn't figure out this next step.

"Sure why not?" Mikey beckoned him over as Leo stood up. Now he could stand next to Mikey, although he could sense how tense and nervous the orange masked turtle was with his close proximity. "I whisk the eggs like this," Mikey cracked some eggs into a bowl, showing Leo how he made them and added anchovies.

"That's great. But I was also wondering, was it you who left blood in the tub?" Leo decided to switch the conversation back to what he wanted to say. Mikey froze, hand clenching around the hilt of the fry pan.

"I don't know what you're talking about dude," he replied, moving the fry pan aside.

"Mikey..." Leo sighed. "You're lying." Now he could see how anxious his little brother was. His eyes wide as he bit his lip.

"No I'm not," he shook his head, taking a step back from Leo. Leo knew what he was doing, trying to inch himself away.

"Please, don't run," Leo made a rash decision to grip Mikey's wrist gently. There was it again, Mikey wincing.

"Let go of me!"

"Not until you tell me what's going on with you?" Leo took another step closer, as Mikey's shell hit the wall. He didn't want to corner Mikey in the kitchen, but he had no choice. Mikey would take any chance to flee and he wasn't letting him go. "I just want to know what's wrong?" Leo lowered his voice, into a calm one, relenting his expression in hope that Mikey would open himself up.

"No! Nothing is wrong!" Mikey blurted, tears now streaming down his freckled cheeks.

"Then why are you covering your entire body?" Leo questioned. "And everytime I get close or touch you, you seem to be in pain." Mikey's eyes were now wide with horror, mouth open. Leo decided to move his finger that was on Mikey's wrist brushing the wrapping aside for a moment. What he saw underneath confirmed his suspicions. He saw slash marks, cuts littering Mikey wrists old and fresh ones.

"You cut yourself... " Leo's voice cracked. It was then that Mikey let out a shrill scream, causing Leo to gape in shock as he released Mikey's wrist. The leader was not prepared to feel another body pummel into his own.

"What the shell are you doing?!" Rough hands tore Leo away from Mikey as he grunted, being slammed against the kitchen wall.

"Ugh, Raph!" Leo could see emerald irises blazing into his. His scent was heavy with alcohol making Leo choke. "I was just trying to talk to Mikey."

"By confronting him?!" Raphael hissed. "You're only making it worse! He's shaking and crying ya idiot!"

"Oh? So now you care about Mikey?" Leo turned to gaze at Raph. He yelped as he was flipped over and slammed against the counter.

"Who told ya you have the audacity to come in and suddenly try to control us?!"

"I'm not! I just wanted to know what was wrong!" Leo gasped, struggling against Raph as he noticed the orange masked turtle flee from the room. "Mikey!" He grunted as his shoulder was slammed once again against the counter, harder this time making him cry out.

"Bullcrap Leo!" Raph hissed into his right ear. "You're not the leader so stop trying to put this family together! Has it occured to you that we don't want to go back to the way the things were before? Bull crap! We're fine! So why don't you shove your nose into someone else's business!" Raphael released him, spitting onto the floor before storming out from the kitchen.

Leo winced, rubbing his now sore shoulder that was turning purple and blue. Great, now he had a nasty bruise. Could things be any more screwed up than it already is? How was he even going to do this?

Leo sagged to the floor, burying his face into his knees as he let out some more tears. Could he make things worse? It seemed like he was. How was he supposed to even fix everything?


	10. The Plan

Leo sighed, rubbing his sore arm. "I can't believe Raph did that to you," April gazed at him.

"I can believe it, Raph's anger has seriously been worse," Casey replied as a matter of fact. "Doesn't help when he's drunk."

"Right," Leo nodded his head. "And Mikey is self-harming. How worse can this get? It's not like I can call over a therapist to help my brothers. We're mutant turtles. Sure the city has warmed up to us, but that doesn't mean everyone has."

"You know I already tried talking to a therapist and she gave me suggestions," April reached into her jeans pocket to pull out a piece of paper. She handed it to Leo as the blue masked turtle opened it up. "I tried doing these things with them but they didn't accept."

"I see," Leo stared down reading every word. There was a list of techniques on how to get someone to start eating again, and things to get their minds off things, including cutting. "I mean, if I can save Donnie. He'll definitely know what to do to help everyone else, he's smart," Leo mused.

"Hm, actually I think you're right," April leaned onto her palm as the three of them sat on a rooftop. "You should try to focus on Donnie first, he's like the medical guy and brains. If you help him he could help you to help Raph and Mikey. You already tried with Mikey and that kind of screwed up. I think he isn't ready to open up yet."

Leo nodded his head at that. "You know, I'm glad we're friends," he smiled. "Talking to you both, really means a lot to me. I feel like I can't do this, and that I have another shot as a leader. But like Master Splinter told me, a leader learns from their mistakes and takes wisdom from other places. So thank you, for helping me and giving me inspiration."

"Aww, Leo," April beamed, hugging him. "Of course we're always here."

"Ya man, you're my friend too," Casey nudged his arm gently. "Even though I'm best friends with Raph. I still care about you too." Leonardo nodded his head.

"All right, I'm gonna try again with Donnie."

Leo had returned to the lair to find that Mikey was nowhere in sight. He had probably shut himself in his room and Raph. Leo's eyes widened at the sight, he sat on the beanbag glaring daggers at the leader. There was a cigarette lit in his mouth and the moment Leo took another step it was like Raph's eyes had caught on fire. Leo felt like he had just walked into a volcano.

"Raph," he wrinkled his nose in distaste. "You shouldn't be smoking in the lair." Of course, the crimson masked turtle growled, removing the cigarette from his mouth. Raph threw his head back laughter erupting from his lips.

"You need to slack off your bullcrap Leo," he laughed, louder this time as if he was insane. Leo knew it was perhaps the alcohol in his system that was making him so bitter. He reached behind his belt to grasp his sais.

"Don't do this, Raph," Leo braced himself knowing that his brother was going to fight him again. He kept a hand on one of his katana blades. If he suffered a nasty bruise on his shoulder, there was no doubt Raph would draw blood and there was no telling what he'd actually do. It was possible that Raph would even kill him.

For an intense moment emerald stared into midnight blue. Although Raph appeared to be disorientated, he coughed lurching forward as he groaned. Much to Leo's surprise instead of lunging at him, Raph fell forward face planting onto the floor, his beer bottle rolling out from his other hand. The alcohol had took him again, leaving him passed out. Leo took this as an opportunity to sneak into Donnie's lab.

He remembered how April told him that sometimes he'd even lock himself in the lab. So first things first, he needed to find the lab key in order to prevent Donnie from locking himself in here. Gazing around Leo found Donnie hunched over his desk. The lab was a mess, beakers spilled everywhere, shattered glass littered the floor. This wasn't Donnie, he would be blowing a fuse at how trashed his lab. But no, here he was out like a light, his skin pale and thin. It was a horrible sight. Trying to be as stealthy as possible Leo snuck around trying to find the said object he needed.

That was when the leader spotted the keys not far off from Donnie's hand. He snatched it, shoving it into his belt. First mission accomplished. April told him that he had been overdosing and Leo knew that it was a huge risk to take all the drugs and throw them away, someplace where Donnie couldn't take them. Certainly the genius would get desperate, but it needed to be done. He needed to make Donnie feel that he didn't need these drugs anymore, no matter how much he begged for them.

Opening the cabinets Leo's eyes widened in shock at all the drugs that littered about. Pills were leaking, he saw many Steroids. So Donnie was taking Steroids to try to make himself physically better? When it was doing the opposite when he wasn't even eating as well.

Pulling out the bag that he brought in, Leo dumped everything single vial into the bag, making sure to not leave a single pill anywhere in his sight. He would also need to get rid of all the needles, knowing that Donnie would possibly try something else. And soon Leo took every single syringe and needle that he could find in the lab. "I'm sorry, Donnie," whispered. "But this is for your own good." Of course, the olive-green turtle was too out of it to be awakened by Leo's rummaging around the lab. This even left time for Leo to clean up. Now he recalled April telling him that he wouldn't leave his lab not even to eat. So the next step he would do was to bring the food to the lab.

Leo disappeared into the kitchen, grasping a bowl of fruit and returned to the lab. He locked the lab door behind him, shoving the key somewhere hidden in his belt. He stood holding the bowl as he watched Donnie slowly rouse. Donnie's skin seemed to be sagging, dark circles underneath his eyes. Leo walked over tentatively, still holding the bowl as he allowed the genius to finally get used to his surroundings.

"Nngh," Donnie groaned, hands slapping onto his desk. It was then that Leo saw how skinny he was, bones protruding. It was horrible, how could he do this to himself?

"Hey, Donnie," he spoke softly. "I brought you some food." Of course full brown irises snapped open, as the olive-green turtle glared at Leonardo.

"No!" He snapped, slapping the bowl from Leo's hand. Fruit began to fly into the air as Leo quickly reacted, not wanting it to splatter onto the floor. He sighed in relief once he had caught all the remaining food. "I am not eating!" Donnie's hands began to rummage around his desk. "Nnngh, why is it so clean in here?" Donnie stumbled out from his chair, ripping open the cabinets. Leo sighed, biting his lip tightly knowing that this would be the moment where Donnie finally snapped. Donnie's hand grasping at nothingness, the genius staring as he took a step back. "No... no, no, no, no! Where are my pills?!" He began to stumble all around the lab in a panicked frenzy. "I NEED MY PILLS!" Leo winced, it hurt seeing Donnie like this but he didn't move from his spot, watching for a full fifteen minutes. Donnie began to kick his desk, screaming and pounding his fists against his desk. The purple masked turtle even began to slam himself against the wall and the lab door, only to find it locked.

Leo sighed deeply, still holding the bowl of food. This was torture but it needed to be done. Donnie continued to scream, banging his fists against the floor, and rolling over like he was mad. Leo didn't back down, not even for a full-on twenty minutes of Donnie screeching his lungs out. It was then the olive-green turtle sank to his knees in the corner, quivering intensely as he rocked back and forth tears streaming down his cheeks.

He walked tentatively towards his brother, kneeling down. He didn't say anything, other than watch him and hold out the bowl of food. "It's going to be okay, Donnie. You need to eat, if you want your pills." He knew it was wrong to trick Donatello into thinking that he would get his pills if he ate, but he needed to persuade him to eat.

Blood-shot eyes gazed into Leo's before snatching the bowl as he began to eat the fruit like a starving animal. Leo grinned, sitting down to sit beside Donnie. "There you go," he patted Donnie's shoulder gently. "That's it, eat it all. It's okay."


	11. A Leader's Requite

For the next few days in several weeks, Leonardo used the same tactic on Donatello. It seemed to be working. He would persuade Donnie into thinking he'd get his pills if he ate, only to attack a pressure a point in his neck, to trick Donnie's mind. It did the effect, making him think he was getting drugged when in reality, all Leo did was make him feel numb by pressing a pressure point in the nape of his neck.

Raph still picked fights with Leonardo, only to leave the lair. Michelangelo on the other hand, the youngest still avoided Leo like the plague. He only saw Mikey whenever they ate breakfast. He had asked his brother to cook for three, and Mikey didn't object. He would quickly finish and avoid any conversation Leo tried to start with him and leave never to be seen for the rest of the day.

This time after four weeks, Leo had entered the dojo to find Donnie sitting in his lab chair. He wasn't cowering in the corner, and he was slowly making improvements. Leo could see that his body wasn't as bony as anymore, but he still had a long way to go.

"Here's your food, Mikey made omelets," Leo set out the plate in front of him. He noticed how Donatello stared at it, before gazing up at Leo. Typically Donnie would be screaming and denying wanting to eat, but this time was different. He had a weird expression on his face that Leo couldn't quite read. Was that betrayal? Hurt?

"You've been tricking me all along," Donnie seethed through gritted teeth. Leo figured that this day would come. After being forced off drugs Donnie's mind was slowly coming back to him and now he could realize what Leo was doing to him.

Wanting to act cool Leo replied with, "what are you talking about? I haven't been tricking you." As much as he hated lying to Donnie, in this situation it was necessary.

"You've been lying to me. I know what you're doing now!" Donnie slammed his fist against the table causing Leo to flinch. Now he could recognize Donnie's nerd rage. "You tell me I won't get my pills until I eat. Then you attack a pressure point in my body to trick my mind into thinking I was drugged and numb. When in reality you were never drugging me."

Leo sighed, walking over as he placed his hand onto the table. "You're right. I have been tricking you into thinking that you were getting drugged in order for you to eat." Donnie scowled at his, growling underneath his breath. "But listen to me," Leo leaned down further, so he was at eye level with his genius brother. "You need to _eat_ ," he added with emphasis. "Have you even bothered to realize what you have been doing to yourself? You starve yourself, look at your body. This isn't healthy! You are pale, thinner than you are supposed to be. And using steroids was a stupid thing to do!" Leo slammed his fist against the counter, wanting to at least frighten his younger brother. The olive-green turtle flinched at this, leaning back further in his chair as Leo continued, knowing that he now had Donnie's full attention. "The Donnie I know wouldn't do this. You are smarter than this!" It was then Leo knew that he had accomplished something as Donnie's dam broke. He knew he had just slapped Donnie in the face.

The purple masked turtle began to sob, his entire body quivering vehemently, his hands spasming on the table. "No... no... this can't be..."

"You could die Donnie. Is that what you want?" Leo added. "To be a pathetic drugged mutant turtle that can't even get up on his own?"

"N-no," Donnie's eyes were wide with horror. He buried his face into his hands. "W-hat am I d-doing??" Leo would've cheered right then, knowing that he finally got Donnie to question that what he was doing was wrong.

"What made you do this in the first place?" Leo added, taking the opportunity to place a gentle hand onto Donnie's hand. The turtle flinched, roughly shoving Leo's hand away. "I just want to help you, Donnie. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"But you betrayed us!" Donnie snapped, tears pooling down his cheeks. "That night, you abandoned us! And you decided to leave for two years!"

"I know... and I regret that..." Leo sighed. "And I know that I've failed you as leader and a brother. But I am still your brother. Just because I failed, doesn't mean that I won't ever stop caring about you, including Mikey and Raph. I will never stop caring for my brothers," Leo added with sincerity. He noticed Donnie gaze at him as the olive-green turtle closed his eyes. "Please... I know you don't trust me. But I want to help you. I just want to know what made you start into this dark path of starvation and taking steroids in the first place."

"It was stupid really," Donnie chuckled, laughing at himself.

"I don't care. This is important Donnie, don't you want to get better?"

"Of course I do!" Donnie gritted his teeth tightly. "That's what I wanted to do in the first place!"

"Why?"

Donnie growled, curling a fist against his desk. "It hurt when you betrayed us, and even more so when you abandoned us for two years. The team fell apart when you left. Raph deemed himself leader and that was the biggest mistake ever! He was pushing me and Mikey around like we were nothing! So I decided to confront Raph, as I knew that I would be better at leadership than him. I was always logical, and Raph jumps in without thinking twice. Of course we got into a huge fight that ended up with him cutting me, and he told me that I was never fit to be leader. I thought I could beat him with brute force, but no he still beat me. And I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to be stronger than him to prove that I could be leader since Raph never listens to logic."

"So that's why you took steroids? To try to make yourself feel stronger than Raph?" Leo questioned, finally seeing the light and problem here. "Only to get addicted to the feeling to the point that you stopped eating and didn't question how it was truly affecting you?"

The genius sighed at this, closing his mouth. "It appears so."

"Look," Leo continued on. "I know that you are the smartest out of all us, and that's your gift. But every single one of us has our own unique gifts, Mikey has the gift of a bright soul and raw talent as I overheard Sensei mention to Mikey. For Raph his is brute strength. You shouldn't compare yourself just because you can't fight like him. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. You shouldn't try to force yourself to better than someone and to be like them. It never works. You have to be yourself, you understand?" Upon seeing Donnie shift his gaze to the side, he added; "And now you realize that what you're doing is wrong. I am not asking you to get better suddenly over a day. This will take time, Donnie. But I believe in you, I know you can overcome this."

Donnie nodded his head, slowly taking his fork to take a bite of the omelet that Leo had set out for him. He ate slowly, as eating food still made his stomach queasy. Leo smiled at him, nodding his head in appreciation.

"And I'm going to need your help, because you're not the only one who's suffering, Donnie. Raph and Mikey need dire aid too. Raph is an alcohol addict and smokes, and Mikey self-harms, his body is probably covered with cuts." Donnie paused, eyes widening at this as he plopped the last bit of the omelet into his mouth.

"W-what?" He stammered, after swallowing the food, ignoring the way his stomach twisted in protest.

"I know that is a huge weight that has suddenly been thrown over us. And I don't want you to feel burdened, as you still must focus on yourself. But you can help me a bit, at least give me ideas to help Raph and Mikey. You will focus on yourself, until you have recovered. But I will not give up until I have done everything I can to help all of my brothers. Today, I'm making the decision of being the leader you need, despite what all of you think, since I know you hate me."

Donnie's mouth settled into a straight line. He stayed silent, though he could see the sincerity in Leo's eyes.

"I will not give up, not now and not ever. So this is what I need you to do, Donnie. Text Raph and Mikey tell them to come into the lab. They won't listen to me if I ask them, so I need you to make them come here so I can tell them."

"Fine," Donnie pulled out his t-phone, texting both Raph and Mikey to come into the lab. "Done." Even though Donnie's tone was harsh, Leo nodded his head in thanks. The lab doors opened to reveal Raph and Mikey as the two of them stepped in. Mikey froze, his body going rigid as Raph growled.

"What the shell? What is _he_ doing here?" He motioned to Leo, not even bothering to say his name. Mikey on the other hand was cowering next to Raph, staying close to the doorway. Leo knew that he needed to be quick, but he needed to say it.

"Look, I just need to say something. I know you all hate me for betraying and abandoning you. But I promise that I will not ever give up on you guys. I am your brother, and I will be your leader."


	12. Docile

As expected, Raph did not take Leo's statement very well. The leader found himself slammed against the lab floor, groaning at the force of impact his head had made with the hard floor. Raph was trying to stab him with his sais, as Leo managed to maintain a tight grip onto his wrists. Even drunk, Raph still seemed to have his strength.

"Raph!" Donnie stood up from his chair and Leo could notice the way Mikey snuck out of the lab.

"We shouldn't fight like this!" Leo blurted, gritting his teeth tightly.

"Why don't you go back to your jungle where you belong!" Raph snapped bitterly. He rammed his sai down as Leo flinched, expecting to be stabbed in the head. He gasped when he heard the sound of metal clanging against the floor right next to his head. Gazing up, Raph heaved the two of them staring viciously at each other.

"You want to kill me? Go ahead," Leo spoke softly. "Kill your own brother." Realization snapped through Raph's eyes as he pulled himself away staring at his hands as if they had been burned. Leo breathed heavily, rubbing the side of his head. Well that could've ended badly.

Raph shook his head, before bolting out from the lab. Leo could see Donnie walk towards him, gazing down. Leo sighed, he needed to go after Raph. He needed to fix this.

"Typically if one is an alcohol addict they'll need to take Rehab," Donnie stated.

"Thanks, Donnie," Leo nodded his head. "I'll have to do just that, but I need to talk to him alone." He stood up, exiting the lab to follow pursuit after Raph. April and Casey had both entered the lair, the redhead heading into the dojo to greet her boyfriend. "Where'd he go?" Leo questioned Casey, knowing that he had probably seen Raph bypass him.

"Out, that way," Casey pointed to the turnstiles. "And topside." Leo nodded, sprinting over the turnstiles and through the sewers. The moment he made his way to the world up above, it was nighttime. The sky was dark, but the city was ablaze.

"Now where could he be?" Leo scanned the rooftops until he saw a dark figure. It was Raph's outline but he seemed darker than usual. Climbing the rooftop, Leo found himself met with someone wearing dark armor. "The Nightwatcher huh? I've heard about you," Leo said, bending his knees as the figure turned around to face him. "More like Casey told me," Leo slowly stood. "So this is what you do now huh, Raph? Get drunk and fight crime endangering yourself?"

"Can it," Raph growled.

"You can't keep going on like this, Raph," Leo took another step forward. "This vigilante lifestyle."

"Who are you to tell me what you do?" Raph clenched his fists tightly. "I can do what the shell I want!"

"This isn't right! With you getting drunk and smoking your anger has spiraled out of control! Have you ever thought you'd kill one of your own brothers one day? Or even an innocent person?"

"I would never," Raph seethed.

"Well you could've killed Donnie that one time," Leo could now sense how much rage was boiling inside Raph. "And me and I bet you've done it to Mikey too. Is that what you want?" He could tell how Raph was trying to contain himself.

"Well I've got news for you. We were just fine without you!"

"And you call this fine!?" Leo's eyes narrowed. "Have you even bothered to notice how Donnie began drugs all because of you? And Mikey self-harming?" Raph growled, taking off his helmet as he held it tightly. "I know you hate me for what I've done. And that you've always thought that you should be leader. But this isn't what leaders do! You've been so engrossed in yourself that you failed to realize just how much everyone else was suffering!" This seemed to have hit a nerve as Raph thrust down his helmet, slamming his fists against the rooftop.

Leo noticed the way Raph's body was tipsy, and the hothead lurched forward throwing up. It was an effect from the alcohol Leo knew. The blue masked turtle knelt down, patting Raphael's shell.

"And is this what you wanted huh? To be drunk and throwing up?"

"N-no..." Raph shook his head, throwing up some more as he groaned.

"I'm giving you your last chance to step away from this, Raph. To step away from this vigorous lifestyle that will slowly deteriorate you." Leo awaited for Raph's response.

"F- fine..." Raph slurred, slouching and falling against Leo.

"Come on," Leo wrapped his arms around him. "Let's get you some help." He scooped Raph in his arms, carrying his drunk brother back home to the lair. Leo had to admit that Raph was the heaviest out of all of them, so it was a bit difficult to care him, yet he still managed. He had to stop several times in the sewers to allow Raph to throw up. It wasn't a pleasant sight, Raph's face was pale and sickly.

Donnie was surprised to find Leo carrying a passed out Raph into his lab. "Thought he would kill you," Donnie stated bluntly.

"He passed out, and threw up multiple times," Leonardo replied. "You think you can help get the alcohol out of his system, Don?" He gently laid Raph onto the cot. Donnie merely nodded his head walking to his cupboard to gather his supplies.

"Thank you, Leo," April touched the leader's shoulders. "I finally got Donnie to eat as well."

"That's great, and once you get Raph's system cleaned. Both of you are going to rehab, yes including you Donnie you need it. And I'll have to get Mikey to go as well. You all need it." Donnie didn't say anything, nodding his head once again at Leo as he began to insert IVs into Raph's arms. "Now the last thing I need to do, is Mikey," Leo curled his fingers tightly.

"Be careful, Leo," April frowned. "He's been avoiding you, and won't open up."

"I know, that kitchen incident proved that. But I think I know what I can do to trap him this time that he won't have any chance to escape, I'll be back soon," he turned as he made his way out from the lab.

If there was one thing Leo knew about Mikey. The bathroom appeared to be one of the spots where Michelangelo loved to hide himself and self-harm. After all, he could shut himself in there and clean off the blood in the tub, erasing any evidence. And that was exactly what Leonardo was going to do. He was going to trap Mikey in the bathroom. He knew he couldn't barge into Mikey's room as the turtle probably locked it. And so he's wait, hidden in the tub behind the shower curtains for however long until Mikey would enter. Then his brother would be trapped and have no choice but to open up to Leo.

As much as Leo knew that Michelangelo wasn't ready. He needed to get through him, this self-harming could eventually lead to something even worse. Leo couldn't fathom the thought of Mikey bleeding out and dying. No, he wasn't going to allow his baby brother to die.


	13. Fragile Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some bit of Leo and Mikey fluff ahead! A deep conversation between the two.

Leo waited all night in the bathroom, not once taking his leave. He knew that Mikey would have to come in here eventually, so he stayed for several hours. It was then that Leonardo lifted his chin at the sound of the door opening and closing, followed by the sound of a lock turning. Perfect, so now Mikey had locked himself in the bathroom. Peeking furtively between the curtains and a tiny open space his suspicious were confirmed at the sight of the freckled turtle, the orange bandana bright as light on his face.

He watched as Mikey began to unravel the wrappings on his wrists. Leo had to bit down onto his tongue to keep himself from gasping at the horrendous sight. Both of Mikey’s arms were completely littered with cuts, an abundance that Leo couldn’t even count. If his entire body was littered with them, this was terrible news indeed. Not wanting to startle Michelangelo yet, Leo stayed put in his position. Mikey pulled out the blade of his kusarigama chain, piercing his wrists as blood trickled out from his skin. The leader had to resist the potent urge to seize Mikey right then and there.

When Mikey turned to face the direction of the tub, Leonardo knew that he needed to act fast. He began to spread his hands, legs and feet along the walls of the tub as he silently climbed to the top. He couldn’t have Mikey spot him while sitting down in the tub, as then he would certainly made a dash to get out from the bathroom. Leo sucked in a deep breath as Michelangelo pushed aside the shower curtains. The leader could only gaze down at Mikey, crossing his heart that the orange clad turtle would not look up.

Fortunately enough, Mikey didn’t even bother. His eyes were dull, as he stepped into the tub. Now droplets of blood began to splatter into the tub. Mikey slashed his arm again, multiple times. It horrified Leonardo to see how Mikey didn’t even flinch, despite how much blood was leaking out.

Mikey bent himself over his emotionless gaze studying the cuts. He looked satisfied before grinning. Leo took this as an opportunity to slide across the top bar of the shower beam, the one that held the curtains. He flipped over, landing with a thud in front of the shower/tub startling Michelangelo in the process. Mikey gasped sharply, eyes wide with horror as he shoved his arms behind his shell trying to hide himself. Leo could only stand, not moving from his spot in front of the shower. He knew that he now had his baby brother cornered.

“Oh uh, hey Leo,” Mikey chuckled nervously. “Didn’t you see you there.” His gaze avoided Leonardo’s, tilting his head to the side in trying to find some way he could escape the shower with Leo blocking his exit.

“Mikey, we need to talk,” Leo motioned with his hand. “Especially about your cutting,” he pointed to the blood that stained the edges of the tub. Mikey’s mood instantly changed from shock to anger.

“And what the shell are you doing!? Sneaking into the bathroom to invade my privacy!?”

“Mikey, don’t be like that!” Leo reached a hand towards his baby brother. What happened next made everything feel like a blur. Leonardo was socked in the face, Michelangelo had flipped himself over, hands bracing on the wall of the shower, kicking his legs out. Leo groaned, falling against the bathroom floor. His head was seriously pounding. First Raph had slammed his head, and now Mikey had kicked him in that same spot. Feeling disorientated for a brief moment, Leo could hear the sound of the lock turning. No! He wouldn’t let Mikey get away! Not this time!

Just as Mikey unlocked the bathroom door and had thrown it open Leo tackled him onto the floor. “GET OFF ME!” Mikey screeched, delivering blows and punches at Leo. Leo had never expected his baby brother to be so strong, as he had to force himself to remain conscious. With one fluid motion Leo had grasped both of Mikey’s wrists, the same area where he had just cut himself. Mikey winced, gasping in pain. “Ah!” He began to thrash viciously against Leo, that the oldest was slowly losing his grip.

“Mikey! STOP!” Leo removed his grip on the turtle’s right wrist to hit a pressure point in Mikey’s neck. That did the trick as Mikey’s body instantaneously went rigid, falling against the floor. Tears were now streaming down his freckled cheeks as Leo gathered his baby brother into his arms. Instead of heading to the lab, Leo took Mikey directly to his room.

“What are you doing?...” Mikey croaked, noticing how he was set onto his own bed.

“Figured you’d be more comfortable in your own room,” Leo replied, sitting next to Mikey. “And don’t even dare think of escaping, it’s not going to happen. I will only make you go limp again.”

Once he had finally regained feeling of his body from his pressure point being attacked, Mikey sighed, leaning his shoulder against the wall as he turned away from Leo. “What do you want?” Mikey snapped bitterly, knowing that there was no point in getting out of this.

“I know that you’re hurt, deeply,” Leo placed a comforting hand onto Mikey’s shoulder. “I just want to talk to you, you know you can trust me, Otouto,” he added.

“What’s there to talk about?” Mikey shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

“There’s a lot to talk about, Michelangelo,” the said turtle flinched at the usage of his full name. “Like what made you want to even do this to yourself?” Mikey could feel a hand touching his knee, and another his arm.

“Why does that even matter? You don’t need to care.”

“But I do,” Leo frowned. “Please… I love you Mikey. It hurts me deeply seeing you do this to yourself. This isn’t right. Why? Why are you doing this? You know you can trust me, this is a safe place. You used to be so open with me ever since we were little, and I will never leave you suffering. I want to help you.”

“No, you don’t understand,” Mikey shook his head, feeling tears threatening to come out.

“Then make me understand.” Mikey sighed, touching his arm instinctively.

“It just… it feels good…” Mikey replied lowly. Leo stayed silent, sitting up better so he could listen intently. “You know, the cutting, the pain,” Mikey chuckled to himself. “I don’t know why it feels good because-”

“The pain was enough to punish yourself,” Leo finished. Mikey flinched at that, gazing at Leo as he nodded his head.

“Y-yeah…” Apparently Leo was an expert in this area.

“Look,” Leo gently cover his hand over Mikey’s. “I understand that feeling Mikey, even though I never actually took pleasure in physically harming myself. But there’s a reason that made you start doing this, and what is it?”

“Guess it’s all centered around me,” Mikey bit his lip. He gazed at his bloodied hands, as he curled his fingers. “Sometimes I feel like I have no purpose… I mean you were the leader, Raph is the warrior, Donnie is the smart one and then there’s me, Mikey. A nobody, a mess up, I can never do anything right, and I can’t focus…” Leo opened his mouth to say something, only to close it as Mikey continued. “And when you left.. everything got worse. Raph was being harsh on Donnie and I. He threw me around like a rag doll. I could never meet Raph’s expectations, I failed no matter how tried I tried, even Donnie. Everything was getting out of hand, and I tried to keep everything together, but no one would listen to me. So I thought, that since I am useless nobody would care what I even do to myself. I wanted to punish myself, so I began to cut. It was always to release tension.”

“Mikey,” the youngest could feel Leo cupping both of his cheeks, making him meet Leo’s gaze. “There is no way that you are worthless you hear? You never have been and never were. Yes you may have a short attention span and have a tougher time focusing, but that doesn’t make you less of a person. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. But out of all of us, you have the most raw talent and greatest potential than me, Raph and Donnie combined.” Mikey blinked at this in disbelief as Leo continued: “And one thing I know that makes you unique is this bright energy and soul you have, along with the deepest heart,” Leo pointed to Mikey’s plastron directly over where his heart was. “You have a heart of gold, you have the capacity to love deeper than anyone. Your soul of sunshine is an inspiration, even to me. You have no idea just how lucky and proud I feel knowing that I have the best baby brother like you. I would never trade you for anything, Mikey. You are irreplaceable, there is no one magnificent like you. Please don’t ever change.”

By this point Mikey couldn’t hold it back anymore as he began to sob. Leo pulled him close into a tight embrace, letting Mikey cry against his plastron.


	14. Stronger Together

Leo took Mikey to the lab as the youngest had to strip his entire body free from all wrappings. Donnie gasped sharply at the sight as Leo could finally see all of Mikey’s scars and cuts that roamed his entire body. There were old and new cuts on his thighs, calves, ankles, wrists and all along the lengths of his arms and partial shoulder. Though Leo was glad that Mikey didn’t end up cutting his neck or any spot that contained an artery. 

The youngest flinched uneasily, as Leo calmly beckoned. “It’s okay, Donnie is going to take care of your wounds.” He said, deciding to stay next to Mikey’s side to give his baby brother a sense of comfort. 

“Mikey, why-“ Donnie started only to be silenced by Leo. 

“Not now, Donnie. I’ll fill you in later,” Leo said upon noticing the uneasiness in Mikey’s face. “He’s going to have to go to therapy just like the three of you all do.”

“I can contact a therapist,” April said. “I know one that wouldn’t mind taking in mutants.” 

“Great, now I’m going to search the entire lair to get rid of anything sharp for Mikey’s sake. And I’m sorry, Mikey. You won’t have your chucks for a long while.” 

“That’s fair…” Mikey sighed, wincing as Donnie tended to his fresh cuts. “Ah! That stings!” 

“This will help them to heal faster Mikey. Can’t have any cuts getting infected as well.” 

“Just get it over with, D.” 

* * *

The next few days were rough on the team. It was hard for Leo to get his brothers to attend therapy, but they eventually gave in. Donnie and Raph had to attend a rehab for drug and alcoholic addicts. As for Mikey he simply had to take therapy to find ways to deal with his unhealthy obsession with cutting and self-harm. 

Leo slowly began to see progress over the next few months. Donnie had completely stopped taking steroids and was doing better. Raph still had a long way to go for his addiction, along with smoking as well as Mikey’s self-harming. The leader began to set in place training in the morning, and honestly it felt like old times. Though his brothers were still a bit harsh and hesitant to follow they eventually fell in line. Leo even promised his brothers that he would always take care of them. He knew he had messed up big time, but he learned his lesson. His brothers always come first and nothing else. 

“Hey, Mikey,” Leo greeted his youngest brother in the kitchen who was cooking everyone breakfast. 

“Hey, Leo. Breakfast is ready dudes!” Mikey grinned exuberantly. Raph and Donnie entered, the four of them sitting all around at the table. Mikey set out their plates full of eggs and bacon. Leo smiled, enjoying the company of all four of them all sitting together to eat breakfast. He had to admit that he missed him.

“You know I missed this,” he broke the silence. “Just the four of us all together in the same room. It’s like how things are supposed to be.”

“It does feel better,” Donnie nodded his head, Raph did the same grinning. Mikey joined in with their breakfast, talking with his mouth full that left Leo laughing, and Donnie and Raph in that matter. They had missed Mikey being like this. Of course, Donnie and Raph had been informed of each other’s conditions including Mikey’s.

Leo chuckled, leaning over to rub Mikey’s head affectionately. After breakfast the three of them headed to rehab. They would only need a few more months before they could finally be released.   
  


Of course, Leo still had to deal with relapses, especially Mikey. He was reading a comic when Mikey came up to him, clasping his hands together anxiously. “Leo?”

“Hm?” He directed his gaze away from his comic to find Mikey fidgeting. 

“I- I’m sorry…” Mikey revealed his hand to show a fresh bleeding cut. “I kinda… relapsed and couldn’t take it… so I found Donnie’s bo staff and-” he flinched as Leo stood up. The leader walked up to Mikey noticing how shame and guilt was written all over the youngster’s face. Leo took his injured hand into his own, studying it. 

“It’s okay, Mikey,” he said calmly. He knew that relapses were bound to happen and freaking out wouldn’t help. “I’ll tell Donnie to keep his bo staff away. Here let me clean this up,” he allowed Mikey to sit as he took out a first aid kit, cleaning and wrapping up Mikey’s wrists. Many of the scars that littered Michelangelo’s body were still evident, but they were slowly fading. One day, they would be gone and that would certainly be great for Mikey, not to have a remainder of what he had done. “Here,” Leo tore out a blank page from his comic book. He leaned down to pick up a red sharpie that happened to be lying on the floor luckily. “You can scribble on paper or use this sharpie instead whenever you have the urge to cut.” It was another certain technique that the therapist had suggested for Mikey.

Mikey took the sharpie, plopping it open as he marked himself with the marker. Leo smiled, at least this was better than actually harming himself. Soon enough, he would grow out of it to ignore the urges, until he wouldn’t have them anymore. 

The orange clad turtle gazed down at his arm at the red slashes of sharpie on his arm. He sighed in satisfaction. “Dude this feels so much better.”

“I’m glad,” Leo patted his knee gently. Leo lifted his gaze as Donnie and Raph exited the lab. “Hey, what do you say we finally go on patrol?” 

Raph’s eyes lit up at the news. “Finally! At least something that won’t leave me here bored or I’ll go nuts!” 

“I could use some time out of my lab,” Donnie added. “I’ve been in there for far too long.” 

“Then let’s go ninjas.”

* * *

Leo took in the breathtaking sight before him. The four of them were out on a rooftop, the top of TCRI to be exact. They were overlooking the entire city and the sky was cloudless. This left it open to the stars that glazed above. 

The leader turned his head, smiling as all three of his brothers gazed up at the stars. He could see the light twinkling in the orbs of their eyes. Four pairs of bandana mask tails flickered in the gentle midnight breeze, blue, red, purple and orange. 

“Dudes! Look!” Mikey pointed as a comet streak could be seen slashing the veil of the sky. For once, Leo had never seen his brothers so happy. He could feel his heart swell, this would be a moment that he certainly will never forget. 

Grunting as he felt Mikey sling an arm around him, squashing his cheek against Leo’s shoulder. He wrapped an arm around Mikey in return, using his other hand to pat his head gently. Donnie sat on the other side of Leo, grinning. Raph was behind him, arms folded as Leo tilted his head up to see Raph’s rare grin. 

“Glad ya back brother,” he gruffly replied.

“We’re glad that you never gave up on us,” Donnie added.

“Yeah bro!” Mikey’s eyes twinkled. “You’re the best, Leo!” 

“It’s good to be back,” Leo sighed softly, a happy one. “And this time I’m never leaving my brothers’ sides.” They still had a journey of recovery to go, but Leo was here with them every step of the way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story! Please let me know what you think. Kudos and comments are appreciated. :)


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